


A Very Angry Boy

by OnlyOneWoman



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Brotherhood, Caretaking, Denial of Feelings, Fear, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Prostitution, Molly Boys, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rescue, Slavery, Suicidal Billy Bones, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:33:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 15,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7518907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

”Captain! Come here, quickly!”  
”Is there a problem, Gates?”  
”Look.”  
”What the hell…”  
”It’s a kid.”  
”I can see that.”  
”Well?”  
”Well what?”  
”Are we just going to leave him here?”  
  
***  
  
”Hey, kid? Look at me. Just open your eyes, boy!”  
”How is he, Gates?”  
”Have tried to talk to him, but he just hiss like an animal. Wouldn’t touch him if I were you. He tried to bite both me and Joji. At least he’s got all his teeth left.”  
”Maybe I could give it a try.”  
”I’d gladly take some rest from this, Captain.”  
  
Gates left and Flint looked at the boy on his cabin floor, with the bony body all smeared in blood and dirt and big, blue eyes looking something between panicked and right off mad. A badly wounded animal with no reason what so ever to trust other men. Flint sank down to his knees. The movement had the kid hiss and holding his hands up to cover his face. With horror, Flint realised there were no nails on the thin fingers and that bones were broken on several places. What little clothes he had were more or less rags.  
  
”God almighty… Listen to me, kid. You have nothing to fear from me, or my crew. We will take care of you.”  
  
By the words ”take care”, the boy just hunched even more, shivering from fear and to Flints utterly surprise, tried to reach for the sword at his belt.  
  
”I’m not going to hurt you. Stop!”  
  
The boy had made an attempt to bite his reached out hand. Maybe he was a looney after all? He’d been tortured, and starved, no doubts about it and even strong men didn’t always recover from such treatment. This wasn’t a man, but a boy. And a very angry and scared one. Flint sat down, at quite some distance from him, making sure he was out of reach for the teeth – and the boy at a safe distance from attacking him.  
  
”What is your name?”  
  
No answer. The kid just cowered even more, arms covering his head. Jesus… the shirt was so old and dirty it had left rashes on the skin closest to the collar. He reeked and his head bare marks of a very brusque shaving. Flint swallowed his anger and searched for his most tender, unfrightening voice. A voice he hadn’t used in years.  
  
”My name is James Flint and I’m captain at the Walrus. I understand you don’t trust me at all, but I want to help you. Can you talk?”  
  
If he could, he sure didn’t want to. The light blue eyes were not mad, Flint realised, but terrified. No wonder. The boy would most likely try to take his own life if he had the chance. His breathing reminded of that of a haunted animal, a small one with small lungs. His lips were very dry. Flint rose, only to make the boy hiss again, pressing thin arms even tighter around the head. Arms with sharp elbows and wrists too small to belong to even a younger man. Christ, he couldn’t be more than fifteen or sixteen. At most. Flint swallowed the anger that was building up inside of him and went to the door.  
  
”Joji!”  
”Captain?”  
”Bring some fresh water and rum. And a cloth.”  
  
The darkhaired sword expert nodded and left. Flint stayed in the doorway, keeping an eye on the kid as well as the passing men who threw curious looks at the door, wondering what was going on. Pity Dr. Howell had stayed back in Nassau this time, due to a bad wound, but he’d recover. Typical it would be the surgeon of all men to take ill just before this raid. Joji soon returned with a bucket, some cloths and a bag with things Flint only presumed were more than just rum. He nodded.  
  
”I would like you to stand guard outside the door. If Mr. Gates needs me, you can let him in. The others can wait.”  
”Aye, Captain.”  
  
No questions. Joji was easy in that way and Flint went back to the wounded kid, who desperately tried to make himself look smaller. It was a pitiful sight.  
  
”Look kid… There’s no mystery you don’t want me or anyone else near you and certainly not touch you. But you are very badly wounded and we need to clean those wounds. I promise I wont hurt you and I will be as light on the hand as possible. Try not to flinch, I will lift your left hand now.”  
  
The whimper was low as the boy clearly tried to keep silent while Flint took the limp, broken hand and brought the cloth to it. By the first touch from the cloth, the boy gritted his teeth and Flint quickly backed away from the attack. This just didn’t work and he reached for the rum and opened the bottle. He took a sip, big enough for the boy to see it wasn’t poison and hold out the bottle.  
  
”It’s rum, boy. Some of it will ease your pain a bit.”  
  
The boy looked so frightened, Flint didn’t know what to say but the truth.  
  
”It doesn’t matter what I say, you will not believe me anyway and I don’t blame you. But you’re in pain, and not a small amount, so I suggest you take some of this to ease it. We are about forty men on this ship and drunk or sober you’re not going anywhere. You might as well drink it.”  
  
He didn’t want to say it so harsh, but it was the truth. The kid had no chance to resist any horrors a crew could do to him and there was no point pretending something else. The blue eyes widened in fear and the boy swallowed hard, tried to moisten his dry, sullen lips and made a small move with his head against the bottle. Flint put it to the sore lips, the boy swallowed the liqueur in big gulps and passed out.  
  
TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

He waited a little while, wanted to be certain the boy wouldn’t wake up. Once the breaths seemed to stabilize, Flint took his knife and cut the remainings of the boy’s clothes to shreds. He just shook his head at the sight. The boy had big, black bruises, burn markings from cigarrs and scars, old and new ones, from whipping. He’d most certain been starved for a while and… Christ… Flint wasn’t squeamish, but he almost puked at the sight of bite marks on the member. He didn’t need to turn the boy to know there’d be wounds from raping. The hip bones were so sharp the trousers rough fabric had scraped the skin.  
  
Would it been better to just shoot him? A single bullet to put him out of his misery… No. Captain Flint did many unforgiveble things, but murdering wounded, raped and unconsious kids wasn’t one of them. He opened the door.  
  
”Joji, I need your assistance.”  
  
The quiet man just nodded and went inside. He closed the door and frowned at the sight of the boy. Flint threw him a cloth.  
  
”Help me wipe off that blood. He’s unconcious, so I don’t think he feel any pain… at the moment. But be careful.”  
  
Didn’t have to say that twice. Joji was a cold blooded murderer, but he found no pleasure in hurting kids. Together they managed to get rid of the blood, tend to the wounds and move the kid to a clean mattress. They put him on the side, not to lay further pressure on the torn back and Flint draped a linnen sheet over him, just to cover his nakedness.    
  
”We should get him some clothes. He’s tall, but fucking skinny. Ask Isaac to lend him something.”  
”You think he’ll survive, Captain?”  
”Not likely. But since we found him in this state, we might as well let him die with some fucking dignity.”  
  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

Why didn’t they kill him? Why did they keep him alive and most of all: why did they take care of him? As soon as the ginger said ”I’m sorry”, he realised the shackle wasn’t there to keep him from running, but from killing himself. Trying to slit his wrists open with his teeth only resulted in soft bandages and leather covers impossible to untie with his broken fingers. Refusing food had them pour him rum, making him drunk enough to eat without throw up, or consious enough to resist. Slamming his head to the floor or wall, simply had him shackled to the bed, surrounded with soft pillows in all directions.  
  
But after almost four days of resistance, he had no strenght left. He quietly accepted the food, stopped biting every time the hands reached for him and didn’t hiss quite so much. Not because he trusted them, but he was exhausted. The small cups of rum helped him getting over with some of the humiliation of being helped to the privy, being washed and seen naked. It also helped with the pain. All of his fingers were attached to splints, as was his left nether arm.  
  
Since he refused talking to them, or communicate freely in any way, they had to guess his needs, but all he wanted was to die. The same four men took care of him and he rarely saw the others. From the mist of pain he began to recognize them a little, to know their names. There was Mr. Gates, a bald, husky man with a mustache and bushy eyebrows, who used to hold him steady when he tried to harm himself. Joji, darker and more quiet, washed him many times a day, took him to the privy and changed the hay in the mattress without a word about him pissing himself like a child. Isaac, apparently the one who’d lend him the shirt, made him eat and drink, mainly by simply nag with a soft voice and try endlessly, keeping him awake until he swallowed a little food and water before letting him rest.  
  
And then there was the Captain. The ginger man with green, fearsome eyes that somehow almost seemed kind when they looked at him. He couldn’t understand why this man, out of all on the ship, tended to his wounds and kept him company, especially since he kept trying to bite everyone when he wasn’t passed out or made passive from liqor. The Captain was no exception.  
  
One day they reached shore, from what he could hear. Mr. Gates used to tell him about the life and how the day had been on the ship, but he hardly listened. Didn’t want to be lured into a false sense of security when there was none to have. All he waited for was a chance to kill himself. Perhaps they’d take him ashore and sell him to someone? Then he might have a chance to die. There were many weapons on the ship and maybe he could take a small one and hide. A razor would do good. If they’d been taken care of him only to make him more fit to suit their lusts, whatever they might be, he had to kill himself quickly. The thought of the nightmares in the Navy being repeated…  No, he _had_ to die before that happened!  
  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

”A damn bad luck you weren’t aboard, doc. Have never seen a kid that ill-treated.”  
”He bites, you say?”  
”Not as much now, but the first days he acted like a mad dog. We had to put him in chains to keep him from harming himself or others.”  
”Jesus, Captain… How’s he now?”  
”Hard to say if he’s a looney or not. He’s most certainly terrified of everyone.”  
  
Flint opened the door to his cabin, where Joji sat, keeping watch over the boy. He nodded at the men.  
  
”Captain, doc. He’s asleep now. Tried to open a wound by sawing against the edge of the bed so I had to pour him more rum.”  
”He’s trying to kill himself?”  
  
Dr. Howell had seen a lot, but this was actually horrifying. He went closer to take a look at the boy. Tall, yes, and tall boys used to be a bit clumsy and disproportionate before the width catched up with the lenght, but this one had wrists like a twelve year old while the hands were the ones of maybe a sixteen year old used to very hard labour. The face was sullen from fever, but there was not much meat on the bones. The doc shook his head.  
  
”Someone has deliberately starved him and used him for harsh labour. What happened to his hands?”  
”The nails were pulled out.”  
”Christ…”  
”And he’s been raped.”  
”The glorious Navy and their civilized life… I’ll do my best, Captain, but it’s not very likely he’ll survive and even if he does, he still might want to kill himself. What happened to his perp?”  
”We’re keeping him alive.”  
  
The doc scowled and Flint sighed.  
  
”No, we’re not torturing him. But if the boy survives, Joji suggested he might want to take revenge and I can’t argue with that.”  
”Makes sense to me. If you excuse me, Captain, I think I’ll need the room now for some hours.”  
”Of course. You need assistance?”  
”Joji could help me, right?”  
  
The dark man nodded. A torture specialist didn’t only know how to inflict pain, but how to _not_ make it last longer.  
  
TBC  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

”I’m sorry, kid, but I can’t help you if you’re trying to bite me. And this will hurt, so you might want to smoke some of this and bite something else, not to accidental cut your tongue off.”  
  
The pipe and the smoke made him cough and he felt as if he was about to choke. He screamed, tried to turn his head away but they hold him firmly til he gave in and inhaled the substance. The world slowly went dizzy and they removed the pipe and put a gag in his mouth. The sudden relaxation in his body was so unusual he began to cry. The one they called doc, stroke him gently on the head.  
  
”There… You’ll soon feel a little better, kid. I’m going to take a look at your wounds and change the bandages. Joji here will assist me.”  
  
Most of the pain faded away. He was awake, but unable to feel ashamed for being naked and having the doc look at him. He touched and squeezed very gently at different parts of his body, asking if it hurt and how much. The gag had been removed as soon as the opium kicked in. Billy couldn’t talk, but was told to click one time with the tongue when the touch was painful and two times if it was very painful. Everything hurt, but the opium made it more bearable.  
  
The wounds on his private parts and between his buttocks were not physically the worst, but the humiliation was. He felt utterly exposed and vulnerable, just like he was on the navy ship, but these men hadn’t cruel hands or malicious voices. He didn’t realize he was still crying before the man they called Joji gently stroke the tears away with a callous finger and took his head in his lap to console him and keep him calm while the doctor took care of the wounds.  
  
When they finally covered him with the sheet again, Billy sighed from relief. Maybe they just took care of him to make him fit for being used like on the Navy ship, but right now he had no choice but to let these men do this and hope for a quick death before they decided he was suited for such purposes. At least the pain was almost gone now and he went back to sleep.  
  
TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

Mr. Gates was angry, Dr. Howell was angry and even Joji, usually looking even more emotionless than him, the Captain – _and_ being the bloody torture master – was furious and kept his tools in specially good order for the scum locked down in the carter cargo space. The vengeance would be the kid’s, if he survived, but keeping the navy bastard on the edge was something James Flint let Joji do with pleasure. This boy wasn’t the only one in this crew who’d been exposed to slave labor, beating, starvation, torture and rape.    
  
The latter wasn’t something one usually talked about, but between the men who’d experienced that kind of humiliation, it only took a look, a face expression when seeing such wounds to tell that _these_ wounds were fucking personal. There were usually two different ways the men exposed to that humiliation reacted. A small part tried to manage the pain by accepting it, making themselves soft and pliable when they didn’t see a way out. Those men didn’t fit well for piracy but mostly ended up being protected by one or two in the crew until they reached a shore with brothels where they could get employment.   
  
A second way to handle the pain was to inflict it on others. Flint didn’t have to ask to know Joji was one to do that. Torture wasn’t something Flint used willingly, but some wounds just went too deep and rather than taking unnecessary risks or let the tension build up too long and take the risk of a bloodbath for entirely wrong reasons, the silent torture master was allowed to work his magic every now and then, when the Captain thought it suitable. The man also understood the reasons for letting the kid have a chance for revenge and used his skills with delicacy to keep the English bastard just afraid enough to be on edge.  
  
TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

One of the things keeping him aware they’d reached shore, was the food. At first he’d turned away from the unknown fruits they offered him and they began to eat from it in his sight, so he could see it wasn’t poisoned. Then, and only then, he let them feed him a little. Fresh food was a luxury he’d rarely seen since he left home and the first time Randall, the cook, offered him fresh bread, still hot with butter melting on it, he cried. The scent reminded him far too much of home, of his mother, but he couldn’t explain that to the cook. Not that Randall needed an explanation. He’d seen men break down for all kinds of things and the first sight of buttered bread in months wasn’t even close to the strangest of them.  
  
Slowly, his body began to heal. It took some weeks, but one day when they were back at sea again, he surprised Joji one morning by sitting up. He needed support for his back, of course, but the important thing was that the most shameful wounds had healed well enough to make it possible to sit up again. Longing for fresh air, and just a little bit interested in what the ship looked like on deck, he allowed Joji to carry him up with only one halfhearted attempt to bite him. Every man who’d come close enough to him while he was awake, had been bitten at least once but they never hurt him back. That didn’t make sense. They were pirates and he’d heard the stories, and he had most certainly heard the ones about Captain Flint. Everyone tending to him was careful and had friendly hands, but none as soft and tender as the one his former slave masters had called ”a monster, a threat against all that’s good and sacred on this Earth, and a devil in disguise”.   
  
This ”threat” spoke softly to him when he woke up from nightmares or pain. This ”monster” used to read to him, wash away sweat and tears with tender hands and tuck him in for the night. This ”devil” treated him better than any other human being had done, except from his parents. As the shock and fear slowly began to fade, Billy couldn’t really recognize the emotions the Captain filled him with. Gratitude, of course, but there was something else as well. Something he didn’t feel with the other rescuers and he didn’t know what it was.  
  
He still talked very little, but he’d given the Captain his name and age. Billy it was. Seventeen. The man looked surprised and Billy realised his torn and skinny body made him appear younger. He looked at the Captain and smiled a little, for the first time in many months.  
  
”Name’s William Manderly, Captain, but I guess ya can call me Billy Bones, the way I look.”  
  
Billy Bones it was.  
  
TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

The offer to let him take his former captain’s life somehow was the actual turning point. He didn’t have to, he knew that, but the opportunity was unresistable. Years of pain, fear and grief, the loss of a family and the years between childhood and manhood lost forever wasn’t a thing you easily forgave. He’d made his choice when the Captain offered him to see his former master in the face. The asshole who had robbed him of all good things in life. Family, friends and love. He had taken his freedom, beated, raped and humiliated him. Some of the scars he would bare forever.   
  
He was still very weak that day. He could eat, dress himself, visit the privy (thank God) and walk a little. And hold a knife steady. There was no real regret in the bastards eyes, only concern for his own life and that was the main reason why Billy decided to do something that he knew would make it impossible to search for his parents. He slew the man by cutting him open, from the crotch up to his chest bone. And seeing him die, knowing the former slave’s no longer starved or terrified eyes would be the last thing the bastard would see in life, was extremely satisfying.  
  
Murder. The most unforgivable crime, Billy’s parents had said. To take another humans life without a proper, just trial was something only beasts in the shape of humans would do. And their own son had not only committed that beastly crime – he had felt good doing it. They would most likely never want to see him again if they knew, and he might be a murderer now, be he damn sure was no liar.  
  
***  
  
It took months before Billy realised the Walrus was the closest thing to a home he’d have since being press ganged. When his wounds were almost healed he got his own hammock, his own little chest for personal things and was given smaller duties, suitable for his still quite skinny and very tense body. The men understood he didn’t want them to touch him if it wasn’t necessary, so they didn’t. But since they came to grow fond of the quiet boy for his eagerness to learn and ability to adjust to the situation – and the fearsome sight he was when getting loose on his former master, a very useful thing in raids – most of the men tried to light things up a bit for him, making the adjustment smoother and let him feel useful even during those occasions he ended up being in the way instead of helping.  
  
Having his own hammock actually meant a lot. For many months, his slave master had forced him to sleep either directly on the floor in his cabin, or – when the man was in a bad mood – tied to the main mast. Billy had tried to learn to sleep in rain, hard winds and cold. The hammock and the blankets were as much of a luxuary as the food, the rest and the kindness. During the raids, he stayed below with Randall and Dr. Howell, helping out with the wounded. His body was not yet healed and as he was unexperienced in battle skills, the Captain had ordered him to practice sword fighting with Joji to get some training before taking part in the raids.  
  
A good way to help out without being in the way, was to repair and wash clothes. After a battle, days with really bad weather or rough work, shirts and trousers got dirty and teared and Billy soon discovered that his new ”family members”, for lack of a better description, appreciated his work with sand, lye, thread and needle. On fine days, he used to sit cross legged and head covered for the sun, and sew. He also helped Randall with the food. Peeling potatos, cooking porridge and handing out the portions during dinner and supper.  
  
By looking after clothes and serving food, he slowly got to know the men. Some of them he liked, others not. Singleton, Tom and Olly were men with cruel eyes who could be real shits to the others. The Quartermaster, Mr. Gates, was hard, but never cruel. As one of the oldest and most experienced, he was a man you should listen to and it was the same with Mr. DeGroot, the Sailingmaster. They were the two men closest to the Captain and when they ordered something that concearned their areas of expertise, you simply just obeyed. Most of the matters on the ship, you took a vote about, but in battle the Captain’s orders were law and when it came to the sails, the course and the overall care of the ship, you listened to the men with most skills and longest experience.  
  
A stupid mistake would affect them all and most men were, as Billy discovered, relieved to leave that kind of decisions the Captain, the Quartermaster and the Sailingmaster, no matter how much the crew nagged and whined about the decisions when they didn’t turn out to their favour. By watching, listening and keep silent, Billy learned a lot about the crew and the ship while filling bowls with soup, fix teared sleeves and scrub bloodstained trousers.  
  
TBC  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

Flint watched the tall, lanky kid with the pile of clothes and the needle. He looked much healthier and Joji had said he showed signs of being quite skilled with the sword, when he was strong enough to get more training. Despite the condition the boy had been in when they found him, he didn’t crane at heavier work. More than one time, DeGroot or Gates had to stop him from overstraining himself. Since he was so tall, actually tallest among the crew, but still had the balance of a kid who’d grown fast in quite a short time, he occasionally passed out if he worked too hard.  
  
For some reason Flint never used the kid’s name. It was ”the boy” in his thoughts and ”the kid” while talking about him or adress him. By making himself useful, showing he was eager to learn and never tried to get any favours without earning them, the kid quickly grew on them. He was skittish, very quiet and eager to please, but not to the point of meekness. If he didn’t see the point in an order, he simply looked at the one handing it out, waiting for an explanation. The kid didn’t even obey _him_ , the bloody Captain, blindly if the order was unclear to him. Apperantly, he wasn’t mute, mad, stupid or too grateful to question things. A good quality, Flint thought. Even the most stupid man could scrub the deck, wash clothes or peel potatos, but the life they had meant they had to count on the loss of skilled men in every raid, storm or sickness, and when that happened you needed men who could fill the gap good enough until they reached safe shores.  
  
Flint stroke his beard and looked carefully at the skittish boy and the the two piles of clothes, one shrinking with not yet fixed and the other who grew larger. He took to his cabin and took a coat he’d managed to tear half the sleeve from and went to the kid.  
  
”Billy?”  
”Captain?”  
  
He still looked and sounded frightened, so Flint kept his distance and hold out the coat.  
  
”Could you fix this for me? The sleeve’s coming off.”  
”Of course, Captain. Ya need it right away?”  
”No. You do the work in the order you were handed the clothes. Even mine.”  
”I will, Captain.”  
  
He took the coat, folded it and put it in the shrinking pile. Flint kept looking at him. By the age of seventeen, Flint had been far more of a child than this kid, despite a poor upbringing. This boy had learned to survive and adjust to horrific circumstances far earlier than Flint had. Many boys with such harsh lives behind them, became cruel men if they reached manhood. And Billy was seventeen. Despite being the youngest and hardly seen as a grown up, he knew more about the uglier aspects of life than many old men in the so called civilized world.  
  
”How did you end up on that ship?”  
”Sorry, Captain?”  
  
Billy, who’d kept sewing as soon as he’d folded the coat, clearly didn’t expect to be adressed again and especially not on a personal matter. Flint repeated his question, now with a little softer voice. The kid bit his lip and shrugged.  
  
”Was press ganged. They took me when I was handing out pamphlets.”  
”Pamphlets?”  
”Against the press gangs. My parent’s printed’em and I handed’em out. Some soldiers caught me, ya see, and put me on that ship.”  
”How old were you then?”  
”Fourteen.”  
”Fourteen? You were on that ship for three years?”  
”Uh-huh.”  
”Jesus fucking Christ…”  
”Sorry, Captain?”  
  
His disgust must be shown in his face. All the years he’d served in the royal navy, before he became a pirate, the Captain never took press ganged men to his ship. He hated that system and despised the men who forced young, crying and scared boys to the ships without even allowing a farewell to their families. And he had tried to help more than one boy from being raped, even if it mostly ended up like that anyway. He couldn’t always protect them…  Flint shook the memory off and looked at Billy again.  
  
”Of all the things the Royal Navy ought to be destroyed for, the press gangs and torture of boys are among the worst.”  
  
Billy didn’t seem to know what to answer, he just kept sewing.  
  
”Where did you live?”  
”Kensington, Captain.”  
”And your parents? You don’t wish to get back to them?”  
”No point in wishing that.”  
”It’s a long way back to England, but not impossible.”  
”It’s not that, Captain. Have good parents, but I don’t think they’d want me back now. Not after what I’ve done.”  
”You mean killing your former captain?”  
”Uh-huh. Don’t think they’d accept a murderer for a son, not even if he was in that situation. I’ll stay here for as long as ya’ll have me.”  
  
During the entire conversation, the tall boy had kept his eyes on the needle, fixing the tear with skilled hands. It was obvious, and no surprise, this subject was very uncomfortable for him. Flint wished he could tell him he understood more of his grief than he knew. About loosing a whole world and people you loved, abruptly and brutally. Being forced to become someone else, shut out from everything and everyone you hold dear, adrift from any place even close to a home.  
  
But Captain Flint wasn’t a man that talked about his past with anyone and he had no right to force a young boy to open up about his life. He nodded at the stitches.  
  
”That’s a well done work, kid. You’re dutiful, eager to learn and the men like you. Eventually, I hope you’ll get strong enough to take on other duties.  If you wish to stay, you have a place here.”  
”Thank you, Captain. For saving me.”  
  
Eyes of a puppy, Flint almost thought and he just nodded and left. Jesus, that kid had looked at him as if he was the bringer of life and happiness. How could one live through all that horror, slay a torturer, end up among pirates and still be able to look so bloody innocent?  
  
TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

Compared to the Navy, his life on the Walrus was almost a paradise. Except it wasn’t. Kindness, food and healing from the external wounds, feeling useful and being appreciated were all very good things, but they didn’t take away _all_ the pain. There were nights when Billy cried himself to sleep, woke up from nightmares or just lay awake, haunted by memories of the life he’d lost more than three years ago.  
  
Some nights, the pain became almost unbearable and he had to leave his hammock and go outside, walking around the ship, round after round, to calm down and stop the lump in his throat from bursting in uncontrolled, unmanly tears.  
  
This night, almost six months since the rescue, he walked his usual rounds but it didn’t help. Stupid, ungrateful thoughts ran through his mind with every step. Why hadn’t they let him kill himself? He couldn’t bloody do it now, not when they’d taken care of him. Could he? No, that would be ungrateful and they would despise him for wasting his life when they’d helped him so much. It wouldn’t be fair. _Fair?_ Billy gritted his teeth and fingered on the knife attached to his belt. Life wasn’t bloody fair and he would never see his parents again. He was such a disgrace to the Manderly name, he couldn’t even bare to call himself that anymore. William Manderly had died with his former captain and the one wandering around the Walrus, was a lousy pirate and murderer called Billy Bones. A man William Manderly’s parents would despise, and rightly so.  
  
Round after lonely round. His mind running wild with thoughts. He was the only child, he never got any siblings. His parents, who he’d always thought he’d take care of when they grew old, were alone now. Perhaps if they got another child, but with no siblings in fourteen years, that wasn’t much to hope for. Siblings… Children. Billy had never thought about things like marriage or girls. Some boys about his age in the neighborhood, talked about girls and teased girls, pulling their braids or trying to look under their skirts. But not Billy. He didn’t see the point. To be with a girl, you had to get married. Adults got married, not children, and the small lumps under the girls dresses and blouses didn’t seem very exciting. Nor did the tits on the whores the boys used to steal a glimpse of when they had some errand close to the brothel.  
  
The cool night and the walking soothed his mind quite well. Billy’d figured out it was better to allow himself to think about home, instead of forcing his thoughts to take another turn. Trying to force himself not to remember, often made him think about it more and feel more miserable.  
  
It had been one girl that he liked, actually. Hannah Pole. She could run faster than any girl or boy in the neighborhood, had red, messy hair, dirty feet and fists like iron. Even older boys avoided to get into a fight with her and Billy, being a couple of years younger than Hannah, admired the red headed fighter passionately. With her bare feet, skirt tied up not to get in her way, her freckles and the hair cut short just above her collar – no other girls had that short hair –  Hannah Pole was one of a kind and far more interesting than the other girls. Billy could never find out why the other boys didn’t like her.  
  
Being close to eighteen and with experience from a life in the Navy as well as a pirate crew, one could think he’d been with lots of girls. In fact, it had only been three, and to be honest, he’d only really fucked with one of them. Properly. Billy sighed. He’d never visited the brothel in Nassau yet. Many in the crew knew the whores by name there and the Captain had close connections with both Eleanor Guthrie, the inn keeper, and her father, Richard Guthrie who was Nassau’s smuggler. The way people used to gossip there, didn’t suit Billy at all.  
  
It had taken a long time before someone in the crew could touch him without him flinching and tomorrow they’d lay anchor at Tortuga, a town he’d never visited properly before. Well, he’d been there since he’d been rescued, but the first two times he’d been too ill to go ashore and the third and fourth time the crowd made him feel anxious and he’d not gotten any further than the bay. And the bonfire at the beach was very nice. Mr. Gates, when he was back from his visit at the inn, made him company by the fire, told old stories that actually had him laugh a little, and gave him some of a horribly strong liqor that had him cough. But the town was still unknown to him.  
  
***  
  
When they lay anchor this time, Tom, one of the men mostly working in the rigging, said something about Muldoon ”sure must’ve been missing ’em mollies”. Some laughter and obscene gestures had followed and the gunner with the short beard and bald head just gave Tom a slap over the ass and offered the mate ”a little ride on the stallion”. Billy’d heard jokes about sodomy before, of course, but they’d always seemed hostile, not friendly, and when Muldoon began to tell them about a molly boy he’d fucked at Port Royal, Billy couldn’t help but just stare. Morley passed him and frown.  
  
”What’s the matter, Bones? This isn’t England or fucking Navy. If Muldoon wants to fuck molly lads, then he fuck molly lads, so quit gaping before a seagull lay an egg in yar mouth. Every fucking time we’re at Tortuga, ya’ll hear those molly jokes.”  
”Why Tortuga?”  
”Because Nassau’s a little short on mollies, lad. In fact, they’re non existing at the moment. I hope ya’r not into lads.”  
”What?”  
”Not that I give a fuck about who ya fuck, but it’s a fucking shame not getting to fuck when ya’r on shore.”  
  
Billy just shrugged. This didn’t matter for him. Girls or mollies, whatever they could offer he wasn’t interested. Sure, you could touch him now, like you touched a brother, but sex? No way. He didn’t even know if he’d just not met the right kind of girl yet. He wasn’t that kind of man who didn’t care about more than a hole and tits. He hadn’t fucked or even kissed anyone before, but that was something he would keep very secret. The information about the differences between Nassau and Tortuga when it came to whores was, however, not forgotten. Nor was the information about the _very_ different views on mollies in a pirate crew and in the Navy.  
  
TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

He had the money and his time on shore. He even knew which whore house the mollies Muldoon had talked about were at. Sadly, Billy didn’t have the slightest urge to fuck. Kisses would be nice, at least it _looked_ nice, but whores didn’t kiss. And you paid them per hour. You couldn’t just sleep next to them for a night and Billy wanted that more than fucking. Of course, he was a virgin so what did he know, but he’d never imagined sex without kisses. That just seemed weird, but as with so many other thoughts, he kept that one for himself.  
  
Since Muldoon was the only one on this crew to visit that particular brothel and was already back on guard duty, Billy, who was the last to get his time managed to sneak away without anyone noticing.  
  
***  
  
”You kiss?”  
”Sorry, sweetheart. But Lucien does.”  
”Who’s Lucien?”  
”The redhead over there.”  
”Is… is he available?”  
”Lucien! Over here!”  
  
The blonde molly nodded at the breath taking creature who approached. He was a bit pale with brown eyes and the red hair floating over his chest and shoulders, all the way down to the elbow. He moved with more grace than effectedness and smiled at Billy.  
  
”A new costumer, how pleasant. Should you not introduce us, Paul?”  
”This is Lucien… And you are…?”  
”Billy. Just Billy.”  
”Lucien, this is Billy and yes, he’s new here. Are you available?”  
  
Lucien gave Billy a smile that could’ve melted the snow back in Kensington.  
  
”For a man as lovely as young Billy here, I’m more than happy to be at service.”  
  
***  
  
Technically this wasn’t his first kiss, but it as the first with a man. Quick, hard and nervous. Billy blushed.  
  
”Sorry, I’m not… I’ve actually never kissed anyone before.”  
”I’m your first boy?”  
”First of anything. In every way…”  
”Oh, God…”  
”I’m sorry.”  
”Sorry? I’m honored!”  
  
Lucien was beautiful. He sat on Billy’s lap and looked at him with smiling eyes.  
  
”Kissing is a skill as well as fucking, ma chère. Would you like to practice both?”  
”Just kissing.”  
”Then I can only hope not to disappoint you, love.”  
”I… I’m really not very comfortable with touching…”  
”But you’d like to try?”  
”Uh-huh.”  
”Don’t worry, love. I’ve had far more strange requests than this.”  
  
***  
  
He headed back to the Walrus, more calm than he’d been since his last morning at home. Lucien was a skilled teacher and a part of Billy – a quite big one – had wished to get underneath more than just shirts after nearly an hour of kissing and fondling. He’d even had some wine and Lucien rubbed his shoulders and nuzzled his neck. It had been most pleasant and Billy would definitely return to this particular brothel and red haired molly next time they reached Tortuga.  
  
TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.)

”There there, lad. Come now, take a deep breath, Billy.”  
  
Almost a month without nightmares. Two months since the last knife incident. Flint sighed as he saw the pile of bleeding, hissing human flesh on the floor. Mr. Gates, thank God for him. That man knew far better than him how to calm the boy.  
  
”Help me hold him, Captain.”  
  
It was a very odd situation. Him, the fearsome Captain Flint sitting behind a panicked boy, pressing his upper arms hard against the chest, forcing him to hold still, at least enough to have Mr. Gates put bandages around the cuts and then leather sleeves, tightly stringed with hard knots. Billy let out a small whimper and Mr. Gates sighed.  
  
”Sorry, lad, but we didn’t take you in to let you kill yourself. There, almost done now. And don’t you dare to bite me, or I’ll give you a good hiding with my bloody belt.”  
  
Understandable as may be when a set of healthy, strong teeth seemed to want to bite the hands that helped, threatening to punish Billy wasn’t a very good idea now. As a matter of fact, it was a fucking terrible idea. Flint gave his Quartermaster a warning look, but it was too late. The very moment when the leather sleeves were firmly attached to Billy’s arms, he tried to get loose from Flint’s arms, writhering like a worm and far stronger than anyone would’ve thought that skinny, miserable kid ever could be. Very few among the crew had seen Billy like this, and those who had, didn’t gossip about it.  
  
The crew really liked Billy, the Captain knew that. No one had talked about him being too young or too unexperienced for the life they lived in a long time. He was strong, reliable and careful. He watched and learned, never complained and showed both courage and combat skills during raids. Tall and muscular, naked torso and teeth glistening in the black war paint across his face, more than one English soldier and fat merchant man had literally passed out just from the sight of Billy Bones.  
  
A scared Billy Bones of this size was, as Flint and Mr. Gates discovered, an even more terrifying sight. Men in shear panic were always a threat, and this man was no exception. It took all of Flint’s strenght to hold him and Mr. Gates, both worrying and caring for the boy, did the only thing he could think of: he tied Billy’s hands and feet and gagged him. That treatment, of course, only increased the panic but what else could they do? It was the same kind of bestial emotions Billy had when they first found him and they couldn’t let him loose in that condition without danger for himself or others.  
  
***  
  
Captain Flint wasn’t a man that could comfort other men. Or women, or kids, for that matter. A stone cold bastard, driven by urges and goals he didn’t always share with his crew. Always keeping distance, never involve in drinking games or dirty jokes. London or Nassau didn’t matter. Both pirates and civilised people knew that Captain Flint was almost inhuman. Flint smirked. If they only knew.  
  
The exhausted piece of human flesh in his arms, sobbed in silence. Billy wasn’t a boy anymore, but the older men in the crew could easily have had sons in his age, so most likely they would call him ”boy” and ”kid” until their last breath. Flint was 31, thirteen years older and in no way close to the age of a father figure, but it was still a quite big gap. In fact, the only one even close to Billy in age, was Derek, a twentytwo years old sharpshooter from Newcastle who’d joined the crew by the age of twenty. Both of them too young to be doomed to this life. Flint sighed and the boy got tense again.  
  
”Please do it now, Captain.”  
”Do what?”  
”Whatever it is ya do when someone fuck up like this.”  
”Jesus, kid! I’m not gonna punish you.”  
”But Mr. Gates…”  
”You tried to bite him and he was frustrated. But these… _attacks_ , or what you should call them, is hardly your fault and he knows that. Look at your arms. That skin wont heal for quite a while, so why tear you up in more places? Besides, you ought to know by now, that we don’t use the whip here. But I would very much like to know what happened.”  
”Huh?”  
”I mean, what caused this attack? Do you know that?”  
”No.”  
”Did you want to kill yourself?”  
”I… I don’t know…”  
  
He’d decided it would be for the best, not to bring up Billy’s past if it wasn’t absolutely necessairy, but if a suicide attempt wasn’t a very alarming situation, what could be?  
  
”Is it something with this particular day and date, Billy?”  
”Huh?”  
”Something made you act more violent towards a member of this crew than I’ve ever seen you do before, and without any visible cause. Is there something from the past you’re thinking of?”  
  
Well, at least he’d guessed that one right. Billy just burst into tears and there was no use trying to make him speak, but Flint had some part of the answer now. They called him the kid, but he was one of their most capable men in both the rigging and in combat. And he was littered and smart. It was all too easy to forget how young he still was and what he’d gone through before the rescue. In his heart, the one superstitious people claimed didn’t exist, Flint felt an almost overwhelming urge to show the young man a part of a man no one had met in many years. James McGraw would’ve given Billy the true comfort he needed. But just as William Manderly slowly faded away in the shadow of Billy Bones and one day would remain only a dead memory, James McGraw was dead and buried inside Captain Flint a long time ago.   
  
TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a new angst piece about Billy Bones arrival to the Walrus when he was a teenager and first met Captain Flint and Hal Gates. Oh, and Joji will actually play a more important role here - however silent. (And yes, short chapters. Comments are dearly appreciated.) 
> 
> And God bless the good mollies of Tortuga <3

Working hard payed off at the Walrus, even if you’d been half mad some weeks ago. At first he didn’t really know what drove him to work this hard. The attack and the trouble it had caused was, of course, a big part of the reason, but not the only one. No, he’d discovered that when he hit his hammock at night, he was so exhausted from work, the nightmares stayed away and so did the attacks.  
  
It was a blessing in every way. No memories of his home or the navy haunted him in the dark of night anymore and the casual touches from the crew, a tap on the shoulder or even a hard hug didn’t bother him. He even smiled more often. When they reached Nassau – they’d be back out in just three days time – Billy asked Mr. Gates if it was allowed to skip time ashore and use it another time. The Quartermaster had never even heard of a request like that, and wanted to know if Billy’d gotten into some sort of trouble last time ashore.  
  
Billy just shook his head and, now blushing, mumbled that he’d rather use his time next time they headed for Tortuga. Mr. Gates knew that kind of blushing and grinned.  
  
”Don’t tell me our youngest man has gotten himself a little mistress?”  
  
Billy blushed even more and gave a little smile that had Mr. Gates laughing and patting Billy’s back.  
  
”I have noticed you’re a bit more eager to reach shore at Tortuga, lad. How does she look?”  
”Uhm… Pale, brown eyes. Brown hair and big tits.”  
  
It wasn’t exactly a well rehearsed description, but it served it’s purpose. Mr. Gates looked at him with glittery eyes.  
  
”And you want to give up time on shore for her? You’re not falling in love, Bones?”  
”Fuck no.”  
”But she’s _that_ good?”  
”Uh-huh.”  
”Well, then you’d better not spread the word, if you wish to keep the line of customers short, lad. Alright, I’ll talk to the Captain. You’ve been working very hard lately and I can’t see any reason not to let you switch days.”  
”Thanks, Mr. Gates. Really appreciate this.”  
  
***  
  
”Good afternoon, sir. Billy, right?”  
”Yeah. Um… is Lucien available?”  
”In a moment, sir. Would you like to take a seat?”  
”No… no, thank you. I’ll wait here.”  
”As you wish, sir.”  
”Um, just one more thing.”  
”Yes?”  
”For how long is he…”  
”Available? It’s still early and I don’t think he has any fixed appointments yet.”  
”Thank you.”  
  
He never looked around the molly house the first time. Now he could see it had about the same kind of furniture and colours as Nassau Inn. But filled with men and only men. Many of the mollies looked at him with gazes he recognized more than well by now. He’d seen that kind of gaze in the eyes of the whores at Nassau Inn. For some mysterious reason, the very noticable changes his previously bony and scrawny body had went through these last months, made both men and women look at him in a little bit distressing way. Billy never for a single second believed he looked desireble thou. He was just a new face here and his lenght had always made people look at him.  
  
”Well, hello Mr. Billy.”  
  
The molly was just as breath taking as the first time, now with his long, red curls tied in a loose ribbon, a single curl dangling loose against his chest. He wore a long, green shirt over increadibly tight, black trousers and the sweet smile made Billy blush.  
  
”Our madam didn’t tell me how long?”  
”Uh… ya have another customer later?”  
”Not yet, why?”  
”Was thinking if we could extend the hour… Money aint a problem, of course.”  
”You flatter me, Mr. Billy. I’m at your service for the entire evening if you wish.”  
  
Billy showed him the coins. Lucien smiled and reached out a lean, delicate hand.  
  
”I’ll make it worth every piece of eight, my dear. Shall we?”  
  
***  
  
He wanted to learn. Not just the procedures, but how to take pleasure in them. That’s how he came to talk to the molly, to open up a little bit. They were laying on the bed, dressed and drinking wine, just a little in order to make it easier to talk. Billy stroke a red curl from the molly’s face.  
  
”I hate my body, you know that?”  
”Why?”  
”It doesn’t seem to… respond, you know.”  
”You mean you can’t get hard?”  
”No, not that. I just don’t know how to enjoy it.”  
”Oh. You don’t like sex?”  
”Have no idea, really. Can I ask you something?”  
”Yes, of course. Anything.”  
”Have you had any costumers that… fuck, I don’t know how to ask this.”  
”Relax, love. You’d be surprised if you knew how little that could surprise a Tortuga whore. I’ve worked in all positions, places and garnishments you can imagine. It’s my job to provide an opportunity for men to explore their unspoken desires.”  
”Could you help me to… find out what I want? Or if I even fucking want anything like this.”  
”You want me to teach you how to fuck, to make love or to know pleasure?”  
”All three. Look, I know it’s a bit intimate, but…”  
  
The molly silenced him with a warm kiss.  
  
”I’m more than happy to tend to your needs, Mr. Billy. All three of them.”  
”Please, just Billy.”  
”Billy it is, then.”  
  
***  
  
A shock treatment. That would probably be the right word for it. Just getting undressed was painful, but Lucien got him through. He had Billy helping him undress first, giving little instructions about the best way to open buttons in order to make it seductive and comfortable at the same time. Step by step he guided Billy, slowly waking up the man’s desire to explore. After an hour and a little more wine, Billy finally began to relax enough to yank aside _some_ of his own clothes.  
  
***  
  
He was smiling. Yes, he was actually fucking smiling. And he was proud. Not that he thought one could be a skilled lover in one evening, but overall he thought he’d at least been a decent student. He blushed as he headed back to the Walrus. As soon as he began to relax, he’d just loved every minute of the lesson. And he may not be skilled in reading other peoples minds, but it wasn’t hard to see the difference in faked and real pleasure if you just took your time to look and listen. And asking.  
  
During the breaks between the physical explorations, the delicate molly taught him another lesson, just as valuable. How to use others desires to make yourself essential without appear as selfish or malicious.  
  
”Knowing what the people closest to you need, and how to give it to them in a way that doesn’t look like you’re seducing, fawning or using them, is one of the greatest assets a man – or a woman – could possess, Billy.”  
  
He’d not forget that, or all the other things he’d been taught. His whole body ached in a very interesting and not at all uncomfortable way. It had taken hours before every piece of fabric was removed from his body and by then he’d felt so comfortable with the situation, that it didn’t take long before kisses and hugs went over to more intimacy, easier than he thought was possible.  
  
And he’d loved it.  
  
TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumping forward in time a little bit. And now it's Flint's turn to deal with anxiety.

He didn’t really know when he realised the kid wasn’t actually a kid anymore. Not one bit. Billy was different from the other men, and Flint wasn’t the only one who noticed that. It wasn’t that he tried to stand out, not even after he became bosun, but he did anyway. His height and very well shaped body did some of it, of course, but Flint was sometimes as good as manipulating himself as others, and admitting to himself that his bosun had a body to die for, didn’t mean he could or would do anything more than just admit facts.  
  
No, the bosun’s body wasn’t what caught Flint’s attention in that way. It was his eyes. Dark, blue eyes, the same color as Thomas. How hadn’t he noticed that earlier? Jesus, the kid had been with them for at least five years now! The day Flint actually looked the bosun in the eyes properly, Billy’d seemed frightened and a glimpse of the tortured kid revealed in his gaze. Thomas’ gaze. Flint had almost stopped breathing and before he could think properly, he’d given Billy a look of tenderness that just as quickly turned in one of coldness and indifference. He’d given the order with harshness and then turned away, feeling the bosun’s confusion and anxiety burn on his back.  
  
Flint had done many unforgivable things throughout the years. Things that Thomas Hamilton would never understand, and certainly never forgive. And Miranda, Thomas’ wife, presumed to be deceiving her husband with his best friend, forced to leave her husband and her former life behind because of him, James McGraw, couldn’t understand all of them either. No, it wasn’t his fault what happened, but he’d not protected her and Thomas properly. He’d allowed himself to see the good in the world, to love without shame and that had been his lovers and her husbands death. And also the death of James McGraw, that virtuos, serious man who suddenly found himself being in love with another man. Not just any man, but an outstanding one, too good for this world.  
  
James Flint wouldn’t make the same mistake with Billy Bones as James McGraw did with Thomas Hamilton. What was the point in saving the kid, who now was a man and Flint couldn’t deny that anymore, if he was to be destroyed by his rescuer? Billy wasn’t Thomas and Thomas would’ve been just as horrified with the kid – man – as he’d be with Flint. But he’d also understand. If Thomas had seen the state they found Billy in, he would offer understanding before judgement. That was his way. He’d do it with James, with Billy and with every other villain on Earth if they had a story that could show him the man within the monster. After all, it was Thomas who first had forced him to stop thinking about pirates as monsters, but as men with different backgrounds they had no right to judge.  
  
_”If you do not know what drove them away from a decent life, how could you make a decent life look more appealing? We need to understand why they choose piracy in the first place, James. If we go around just executing every man under the black banner without listen to them, they will only distance themselves even more and by that drive even further away from civilization. We want less pirates, not more and you know better than me how many boys suffers in the Navy, and then sees their chance to revenge and join the pirates during an attack! How many men’s life are to be doomed for a principle that doesn’t work?”  
_  
Thomas would’ve understood Billy’s choice. But would he have understood why James Flint hadn’t make Billy leave in time, before he got more blood on his hands? Before he identified himself as the villain James and Thomas once worked to turn into a civilized man with a better future. No. To allow a closer connection with the kid – man – would only destroy more of what innocence and goodness he had left. Captain Flint would’ve let Billy on, taunt and chase him without any hesitation, but as long as he had some part of James McGraw left inside, he would not encourage the kid – man – no matter how hurt Billy got from his cold looks. Sooner or later, the bosun would grow tired of trying to satisfy his Captain and his still innocent heart would harden, his clear blue eyes would loose some of their light and the rage that lay beneath his calm appearance, would break out in every battle until he drew his last breath. Then, and only then, when something else than Captain Flint had destroyed the last of Billy Bones’ innocence, what little was left of James McGraw could be allowed to dream.  
  
***  
  
The Captain’s gaze. It scared him. _He_ scared him. So why couldn’t he stop looking at the man? What was it all about? Billy swallowed and tried to focus on the work. When he returned from Lucien this time, he’d felt so good. Happy even. Then he’d met the Captain’s eyes. Green, not brown. Cold, not warm. A gaze he couldn’t work out, as if it was many different gazes looking right through him and saw something else. Someone else. It only lasted a moment, but left Billy's heart and mind in pieces.  
  
TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the storm, the torture and the release. Billy and Flint meet again. "It's good to have you back".

The dark, curly man with the bright smile could be the most deceitful creature Billy’d ever met. He was very pretty, couldn’t deny that, with those blue, teasing eyes and dark curls, but it was fucking ridiculous how easy he’d been accepted, even liked, by the crew. John Silver. A thief, a horrible cook and not to mention a manipulator only capped by the Captain. The way they looked at each other, trying to figure each other out, was both frustrating and painful.   
  
For years Billy had been by Flint’s side. Not in every way, but as far as the bastard allowed him to. About four months before Silver’s arrival, the bosun had stopped using his time off in Tortuga. His one and only molly, Lucien, had caught the French disease and passed away. Billy mourned him more than would be considered healthy, but every hour spent in Lucien’s company had been a time of sweetness and a part of Billy had really cared for the whore. He didn’t return to the brothel anymore, nor did he look for another molly. He’d learned to associate sex with the slow, committed tenderness Lucien provided and after a couple of quick blow jobs at the brothel in Nassau, where he closed his eyes pretending the mouth between his legs belonged to a man with red hair and not a girl, he just grew sick of it.   
  
The only reason why he let her finish, forcing himself to imagine a man, was to avoid gossip. And he’d been without sex for a long time so it wasn’t very hard to shoot a load and pretend to have an orgasm. Also something Lucien had told him about… In that way, the older mens jokes about his unnatural patience with not getting laid after some weeks at sea, at least didn’t raise more intimate questions. Not that it would be a problem if they knew he was a molly like Muldoon and Vic, but that could lead to other questions he preferred not to raise. The nights in the hammock had never felt so lonesome before.  
  
***  
  
”What’s his problem? He’s been sour like old milk for weeks now?”  
”Billy? He’s never been cheerful, Silver.”  
”Really, Joji? I didn’t notice.”  
”And he doesn’t like you.”  
”Strange.”  
”At all.”  
”Even more strange. I’m a hard man not to like. What did I do now?”  
”How about talking his ears off when it’s fucking obvious he wants to be left alone?”  
”Was just trying to cheer him up!”  
”You failed. Don’t try again.”  
  
He overheard them. Joji rarely talked, but it seemed as if he could make Silver shut up, at least. But the thief was right. He had been dull for quite some time now and it wasn’t only from mourning. Before Lucien, Billy could only recall one person whos arms had given him any real comfort since he’d been taken from his parents. The one called a devil, a monster and a threat to all mankind in the so called civilized world. The man who’d saved him only to cast him aside. And now he was out of reach for real.  


A man that, until now, appeared to be without commitments, without a family. Then old Morley had told Billy about Mrs. Barlow and from that moment, in the dark of night by the gunnels, something more than the sweet molly boy had been torn from the bosun.  
  
_The Captain had a woman._ It shouldn’t surprise him and certainly shouldn’t make him angry. Angrier than when he slew his torturer. No! He wasn’t angry. Anger didn’t feel like this, neither did sorrow. As soon as he was alone with the information, he tried to calm himself. The feeling he had, whatever it was, was stupid. So what if the Captain had a woman? Just because it was a new thought to him, new information to get used to, it didn’t mean he had the right to be upset. Maybe he wasn’t upset with the Captain, after all? Maybe loosing Lucien made him feel like this? Yes, the Captain had saved him, but it was a long time ago and for the last years Billy had often been scared of him. And now, _now_ , after years of ”I trust you, Billy”, ”you’re a vital part of the crew, Billy” and strange looks that searched him, made him blush and drop his jaw, he still wasn’t more important to the Captain than any disposable crew man.  
  
It hurt. By God, it hurt!   
  
***  
  
What do you say, when the heart you thought you’d lost in the ocean, suddenly appears before you, torn and in rags? _It’s good to have you back._ James Flint had said that, before taking the bosun’s hand and giving a firm yet brotherly hug. Inside Captain Flint, James McGraw had cried, clung to the wounded man and lifted him in his arms. James McGraw had taken his lost heart to his quarters, tended to the wounds and washed away the sand from the beautiful, trashed body in a soothing bath. James McGraw had given him the most delicious food and drink and had him sleep safely and loved in his arms throughout the night. James McGraw had been by Billy Bone’s side day and night until the horrifying memories of the torture went pale and barely noticable anymore.   
  
James McGraw had stepped aside for Captain Flint and James McGraws ”My love, I thought I’d lost you forever! I’m so sorry for everything, so sorry for not telling you how I felt” turned into Flints ”It’s good to have you back”. And Billy’s blue eyes, scared, tired and lost, looking for something Flint couldn’t give.  
  
***  
  
Who’s Mrs. Barlow? Who’s Billy? _Who the fuck are you, Captain?_ The handshake, the hug. _It’s good to have you back._ Good? Billy’d thought there was nothing more left to be crushed within him. Not after the storm and the torture. Piece by piece his life had been destroyed since that day many years ago when the Navy took him, leaving only the pamphlets behind for his parents. When the Captain had saved him, when he finally stopped longing for death, all his life was about that man. And all crushed again, Billy couldn’t feel anything more but anger, laying as a hard cover over the flood of tears he refused himself to shed.   
  
TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving forward to the last season together with some of Billy's memories.

He’d become hard inside. It seemed as if his life could be divided in four parts. His first fourteen years, when he’d been a child. A beloved, wanted and cherished child, fostered by loving parents. A life full of love, support, learning and safety. Too good to last, the following three years taught him that. Years of hard labour, beatings, rapes and starvation with no comfort to be found. Sometimes, during his darkest moments, he’d belived it to be a punishment from God, for something. Maybe he hadn’t been grateful enough, maybe he’d not been a good son to his parents? Well, whatever transgressions he had committed as a child, they were easily forgiven compared to all the things added to the list since he slayed his former captain.  
  
Then, the first time on the Walrus, when the Captain and the crew slowly brought him back to life. A time where Billy had drifted between wishing himself dead and longing to belong somewhere. To matter. He’d gotten a new family, brothers that cared for each other, for him. He’d learned that even if they lived a harsh life with little room for sweet dreams, that friendship and love were just as vital parts of it as the battles, the rum and the whores. He’d seen brothers watch over their comrades sick beds, mourn their friends fallen in battle, make the vows of matelotage and replace fathers, mothers, siblings, wifes and friends lost back home in London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Rome, Cape Town, Timbuktu, Bengal and many other places. The Walrus was their home and the crew their family. Billy’s as well. He knew that without their kindness, their support and teaching he would’ve taken his own life years ago. That was the second part.  
  
The third part was all those years of inner tornment, when all he whished for was a look rom his Captain and in the same time couldn’t meet his gaze without breaking inside. The looks, the words, the behavior he couldn’t figure out, leaving him confused and wretched. The closest thing to love being a sweet, intelligent and expensive whore, teaching him how to fuck, make love and not hating his body. If Lucien hadn’t died, he might have stopped thinking about… No! He’d cared for Lucien, but he didn’t love him. Not because he was a whore, but because he wasn’t the Captain.   
  
It was a long time ago now and the memory of Lucien didn’t hurt as much anymore. And the last months had been… just mad. The Urca gold, the tempest and the torture. The Captain’s madness, Vanes death, the black spot and what seemed as a thousand other things that somehow, without him realising it, always put the Captain in the centre. James Flint was his compass, his torch and his home, no matter how painful it was. The man who’d rescued him and showed him a tenderness he’d forgot existed had been his goal ever since. Not the prizes, the sea or the freedom. And nothing could fill that empty space, so his heart went hard and angry with sharp edges cutting through his flesh, making him bleed with every beating, crying without tears in the darkness that surrounded Captain Flint.  
  
TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's post season three. Flint has returned to Nassau, heard about Billy's treason and search out his first mate.

Captain Flint. The man had been with him for so many years now. The monster. First he had been a guardian. A failed one. When James McGraw was denied human dignity, Captain Flint would protect him, by getting revenge. So many men slayed by the monster, protecting that man, only to destroy him even more. Many men he’d crossed over the years, as collueges or enemies, had shown glimpses of a similar rage. A hate towards a country that had taken lives, love, labour and freedom from them. Stripped them of dignity, mocked, tortured and robbed. And the hate within Captain Flint had been bigger, more consuming than any darkness he’d seen in other men. Men had catched some of it, after a time in his service, his company. The closer they came, the more likely it was for them to be affected and hurt, maybe even killed by it.  
  
He’d left the Marooners, left Silver behind and returned to Nassau. Silver, who claimed himself to be the one human being left in the world to know James McGraw. Maybe he was right, maybe not. It didn’t matter. The Captain had barely reched shore before he heard about him. Long John Silver. The black spots that had been delivered. The name of Captain Flint could still be heard, but not as before. And then, while looking for Billy, he’d found Featherstone, who told him everything. Vane, who when the noose was layed around his neck, with a silent gaze didn’t want to be rescued, who made himself a symbol of the resistance in Nassau. Billy’s idea to use Henry Avery’s black spots and how well it had worked. The letter people talked about in the tavern and the streets.  
  
  _I was no one. And then you came, and my island fell, and I became something else… those like Captain Vane, determined to stand by their oath to the very end. And those like Captian Throckmorton, happy to be the first to betray it. And last, as always, to traitors…_ _Captain Throckmorton’s black spot will not be the last. Ignore it, and join him. Heed it, and reclaim your place amongst us. Until then, I remain… Long John Silver._  
  
He should be furious. The man he loved, spared his love not to harm him, had betrayed him. It was clear for all to see. But why? He’d saved him, not only from his torturers, but from the darkness of Captain Flint. Not entirely, of course, but he’d withdrawn, not to make the damage worse. The angry boy that became an angry man. And anger was something Captain Flint could understand.  
  
***  
  
A new chapter for Nassau. He’d wrote it, or at least the beginning of it. He was tired. So very tired. He was still a young man. Young and strong. He was a survivor, but a personal vengance from Captain Flint... that was something he wasn’t sure he could survive. And maybe he didn’t even care.  
  
He slept alone in Mrs. Barlows old house. In the small bed in the guest room. The only guests here these days were uninvited ones. But Flint would come. Eventually. Idelle had came running, telling him the news and he’d not even felt a single chill. _You can tell him I’m here_ , he’d said. And now he heard them. The familiar steps. The first time he’d heard them, he’d been a crouching pile of bones and fear, prepared to die. The steps he first were to be his death, brought him life and he’d loved the man ever since. Now that man would be his end. He closed his eyes and waited.  
  
  
TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's post season three. Flint has returned to Nassau, heard about Billy's treason and search out his first mate.

He should’ve heard him coming. Maybe he had. But the tall man didn’t move. Flint approached the bed. The sight cut off every single impulse to be violent. The pose was vulnerable, the neck bent in a relaxing bow, laces resting against the cheeks. He looked so tired and wave after wave with affection went through Flint’s body. When he sat down on the bed and the man didn’t move, he knew he was awake. That he was waiting for Captain Flint’s reaction.  
  
But Captain Flint wasn’t there. In the very moment he lay eyes on the beautiful creature on the bed, James McGraw had pushed the Captain away. James McGraw sat down beside him and put a soft hand on his shoulder. The man sighed.  
  
”So, you know now…”  
”I do.”  
”Are you going to kill me?”  
  
Billy’d never sounded so calm. As if he’d been laying here, patiently waiting for death with no intention to save himself. James McGraw gently stroke his shoulder, waiting for resistance. Fore being pushed away. Instead a warm hand reached for his, grasping fingers searching for the hand he excepted to kill him.  
  
”Why did you do it?”  
”I was tired.”  
”Tired?”  
”Of your rage. Your sorrow. How it destroyed you. Destroyed everyone and especially me.”  
  
The grip around his hand tightened.  
  
”I’m so tired, James. Of not knowing…”  
”Not knowing what?”  
”If you hate me or just don’t care. I’ve been wondering for years now and I can’t take it anymore.”  
  
He had to swallow many times before he could answer. He’d never thought about Billy in _that_ way before the kid was no longer a kid. He was twentysix now and James McGraw had stolen glimpses of him for at least five or six years and received confused, blue looks in return. But he’d also seen another look in the dark eyes. Anger. Frustration. Hate. Or was it fear?  
  
”I thought you hated me, Billy. Not all the time, but the last years.”  
”When did you begin to think that?”  
”Years ago. When you stopped using your time off in Tortuga instead of Nassau.”  
”What?”  
  
The man turned to face him, the face wide open with emotions, eyes dark and exasparated. Jaw dropped and Billy’s whole being was one of scepticism and utterly surprise. James swallowed.  
  
”I never figured out what happened then… You just seemed so angry…”  
”I was mourning!”  
  
Now he was the one looking surprised and Billy’s gaze turned into one of despair.  
  
”I had a molly there, you knew that?”  
”Molly?”  
”A male whore! I met with him for years. Did you ever wonder why I always used most of my time off in Tortuga? Why I never rushed to Nassau Inn like the rest? Jesus… I stopped using my days there because he died.”  
”And you mourned him…”  
  
Billy snorted.  
  
”Yes, I mourned him. He was a whore, but he was good man and he saved me just as much as you did. Wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him.”  
  
Pictures were rushing through James mind. The other men joking about Billy’s very short and rare visits to the Nassau Inn and his eagerness to go ashore in Tortuga. The rare smile and slightly blushing cheeks whenever they stopped at Tortuga and he returned from his time off.  
  
”What was his name?”  
”Lucien.”  
”So… He’s the one I should’ve given my thanks.”  
”For what?”  
”Making you a little happy, I suppose. I was wondering for a long time who made you smile so bright back there.”  
”You noticed that? He was my first and my only, you know.”  
  
The man sounded bitter and sardonic, but James didn’t care. The pieces slowly began to fit together and the vulnerability in front of them cut his tongue loose.  
  
”Thomas.”  
”Thomas who?”  
”My first and only. His name was Thomas.”  
  
TBC


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's post season three. Flint has returned to Nassau, heard about Billy's treason and search out his first mate. Truths are shared.  
> I love comments, so please don't hesitate to share any opinions on this piece :)

”You seem surprised.”  
”I am.”  
  
James smiled with raised eyebrows at the stunned man.  
  
”You tell me you have a molly, that you’ve been looking at me for years and that you’ve also supsected me for looking at you, and still you’re surprised?”  
”I just thought… you and Mrs. Barlow…?”  
”Thomas was her husband and I loved them both. The three of us loved each other.”  
  
Billy swallowed.  
  
”What happened?”  
”We got caught. And Thomas father had him thrown in Bedlam, a mental hospital. I had to leave the Navy, yes I was a captain there, and me and Miranda had to leave England. We came to Nassau to be free.”  
”But you never got free, did you?”  
  
Billy’s voice sounded harsh, as if he tried to appear calmer than he was. James could feel it now, the bosun’s bitterness, loneliness and the sorrow he’d failed to see for what it was all these years. Captain Flint faded like he was nothing but a shadow, easily driven away by the sunlight.  
  
”Did you love him?”  
”More than anything or anyone on Earth.”  
  
Blue eyes on the brink of tears, eyes following him over the years, eyes reminding him too much about the man he’d lost. James forced himself to look at Billy.  
  
”You have his eyes, you know…”  
  
Billy’s jaw dropped, and the exasparated expression in his face disappeared.  
  
”God… James, I’m so sorry… I don’t know what to say…”  
  
Tears, just the couple, but when his bosun lifted his hand to wipe them off, James stopped it. He stroke a gentle, calloused finger on the cheeks, wiped the tears away from eyes dark as the see at night, little lights in the pupils, lanterns calling him ashore. His voice wasn’t steady anymore.  
  
”I’ll destroy you, Billy…”  
”No! I’m not some angry, confused boy anymore, James, and I know what I want. Have wanted you since before I knew it was wanting I felt. I’m not like the other men that can hide their feelings. I know they’re written all over my stupid, ugly face…”  
”You’re not stupid! And you’re certainly not ugly. You’re a beautiful, intelligent and caring man, Billy, and I don’t want to destroy you more than I’ve already done.”  
”Why can’t you listen? If you see me as a man, which you fucking should, you should give me some fucking credit to make my own decisions. I’m twentysix and responsible for a whole damn crew and yet you seem to think I can’t take care of my own feelings. Can you hear how fucking stupid that sounds?”  
  
The dominant voice, eyes looking straight at him with nothing of their old uncertainty. God, he was beautiful…  James sighed.  
  
”Putting it like that… I guess I can.”  
”So what am I? A boy or a man?”  
”Most certainly the latter…”  
”Well, thank you for realising that. Now what?”  
  
He shouldn’t do it. It would end badly and they’d both get hurt. Billy would be destroyed…  
  
”I can’t… do this, Billy. You’ll end up dead.”  
”Christ, man! How many fucking years have I sailed under the black now? And I’ve done it because you saved me all those years ago. What kind of life do you think I’d have if you didn’t board that ship? You above all know in wich state I was.”  
”How could I forget…”  
”And you still believe you could make my end so bitter I’d rather not been saved that day? The crew, but first and all you dragged me from fucking hell, even though you could’ve killed me in an instance or just left me to die alone on a sinking ship. I was a wreck and a lunatic, for Gods sake! I fucking bit you and you didn’t even raise your hand at me! You could’ve thrown me overboard, put a bullet in my head or left me in Nassau. The chances of ending up on a ship with a captain like you were just as nonexisting as getting back home to my parents again. You think I’m afraid of what end you could provide for me after that?”  
  
He looked at the man, slowly realising what he’d missed.  
  
”You didn’t make Silver the villain to humiliate me.” His breath got rapid. ”You realise how close I was to kill you?”  
”Of course.”  
”And you were willing to risk that?”  
”Couldn’t stand the alternative anymore. What’s the fucking point of living, if you feel dead inside anyway? And I prefer to die in battle or for fucking love or brotherhood, or even have my throat slit in my sleep, to walk around like a shadow.”  
”Thomas would’ve loved you.”  
  
He didn’t think, the words just came, simply because they were true. Billy was, i many ways, the very image of a man who would’ve made something useful of his life if he hadn’t became a pirate. Provided with books, he’d been a man Thomas could’ve used endless hours to discuss and debate with, thrilled by Billy’s rough edges and impressed by his practical, unsentimental view of the world. He would’ve loved the passion and commitment, the blushing cheeks and the courage. All the things Captain Flint didn’t allow James McGraw to love, but if love could be commanded, Billy wouldn’t be here now, blushing and driven between despair, acceptance and wondering.  
  
”Are you saying you could love me for Thomas’ sake?”  
”He taught me how to love and if he could see us now, he’d slam our stupid heads together…”  
”Like this?”  
  
  
TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's post season three. Flint has returned to Nassau, heard about Billy's treason and search out his first mate. Truths are shared.  
> I love comments, so please don't hesitate to share any opinions on this piece :) And this is the last chapter, were Joji make a little appearance again.

How to keep years of longing in check when the one most wanted suddenly is at your feet? How is a starving man suppose to restrain himself when provided with all the things that could satisfy his hunger? How could you expect a heart so lonely it almost stopped knowing how to act upon it’s wishes, to keep a steady beating when finally being touched? A heart leaking with unrequited love for years, not knowing how to tend to the wound, not realising every missing smile, touch and recognition didn’t stop the leaking, but only dug a bigger hole. James couldn’t. And he couldn’t.  
  
He’d not been thinking when he pressed his lips against James mouth. The kiss had been hard, closed and he let go, still afraid of the outcome. He cried. Unmanly, but silent tears escaped his eyes when they parted. He closed his eyes, felt a gentle hand wiping his face off and he cursed his feelings, his uncooperative heart that demanded to be seen as a man, only to betray him with tears. A hand settled behind his neck and just like that, the distance got erased again.  
  
He wasn’t a virgin, he wasn’t romantic by nature, but God almighty, he was in love and it felt so new to him. His body, his mind, his heart were so desperate for this, it scared him. Famished, dried out and forsaken, left to vanish in a slow, painful death and now the starvation had suddenly turned into abundance. His breathing got faster and they separated to get some air.  
  
”James… Promise me…”  
”Promise what?”  
”Promise you won’t decide for me. Whatever you feel, even if you don’t want me again…”  
”Billy…”  
”… if this is a one-time event for you, I understand…”  
”Billy…”  
”Yes?”  
”I want you. Sweet, stubborn, gorgeous man, _I want you_.”  
  
***  
  
He had a man in his arms. No, not a man like _any_ man. _This_ man. Body and soul exposed to him as the layers came off. He’d underestimated him for so long, acted like a coward when this man, time after another, had shown his unconditional devotion. It wasn’t the usual kind of fear that had made Billy keep his distance. His loyalty didn’t depend on coins, safety or even gratitude and when he’d betrayed him it wasn’t to strip him of power or humiliate him. Every move the man had made since he’d been well enough not to hiss or bite, had been for a single, how ever oblivious reason: love.  
  
Their clothes had come off quickly, but that was just as much haste as James wanted now. The man in his arms wasn’t a piece of meat to be used as a quick relief or a substitute for another man. It had been years since James had a man and Billy was, no matter how much he said he could survive the darkness, a man that needed, no demanded, to be handled with love and care. So James did what he hadn’t done in years and never thought he’d do again. He made fucking love.  
  
To uncover Billy’s body, explore his nakedness and taste every inch of warm, partly scarred skin was a treatment that turned the first mate into a pure mess of malnourished needs, gasps and writhered anticipation. It was so beautiful. Unlike James, Billy had never learned to feel shame for his desire for men and maybe that’s one of very few, if any, things that was a blessing in all the suffering he’d been through. In Kensington, this sweet, loving man would’ve been denied love, forced to hide his feelings entirely and the thought of that while hearing the pleasure Billy clearly felt under his hands and tongue, almost broke something within James. This man would never be denied love anymore and he would never learn shame for wanting this.  
  
***  
  
A captain had once taught a fourteen year old boy how sex could be used to inflict pain and fear. How it could tear a boy’s flesh and soul apart. How something that should be an act of pleasure and tenderness had the capacity to cause nothing but despair and humiliation.  
  
A threat to everything considered good and holy had taught a seventeen year old, very angry boy how healing, respectful touches could feel.  
  
A whore had taught an eighteen year old pirate how to make love, how to reclaim a marked body and discover pleasure.  
  
Now one of the most dangerous men known to mankind, had laid off his mask and allowed himself to see the man instead of the boy. And what kind of man he had become, could be seen in James gaze. The man wished to taste him, devour him, conquer his his body and soul completely with every kiss, every embrace and every sound drawn out from pleasure. To kiss his lips until they went sore and numb, to let a tongue dance all over his naked body, acknowledging and carressing every scar, every vein, every strain of hair until he belonged to no one but this man.  
  
The naked embrace sent thrills down his spine, as he lay on the bed, finally being covered with the strong, heavy man’s body, legs around his waiste and being kissed over and over again while feeling the bumping pressure from James’ fingers against his rim, slowly opening him, making him moan like a certain molly boy from Tortuga used to do.  
  
”God, yes… don’t stop… don’t stop, James…”  
”You’re so beautiful, Billy… so very beautiful…”  
  
The slick fingers worked him harder now and he gasped, writhered and pushed himself against the hand, eyes half closed, only catching small glimpses of James reaction to his wriggleling. The usually so closed face had lost it’s sharpness, the green, catlike eyes taking him in, seeing nothing but _him_. The sensation was almost too much and Billy cursed and bit his fist.  
  
”Have been patient for so fucking long now… Fuck… don’t think I’ll last very long… ah…  Fuck me, James! Fuck me now, god dammit!”  
  
James pushed in slowly, smirking a little at his impatience and put his legs on his shoulders, getting as close as possible. Oh, the sensation was… just fucking mesmerizing. Billy hissed as James leaned forward to kiss him and going deeper with a groan.  
  
The man who was no longer a boy soon was lost in pleasure in a way neither James or Thomas had ever been able to express. The word shame seemed to be unknown to Billy, he just fell into the emotions, determined not to deny himself any pleasure offered to him. He moaned, panted and whispered James’ name again and again, dug one fist in the sheet, one on James’ arm in a claw-like grip.  
  
A captain had once thought he’d never have this again. A first mate had buried his emotions for years, slowly getting torn apart from them. A captain made his first mate scream in the bed, painting skin in whitest pleasure. A first mate had his captain drop his barrier and come undone before him, demanding every piece of him. And fear, shame and painful memories no longer stood a chance.  
  
***  
  
A perstant knocking woke him up. At first he didn’t reckognize the room. Then he turned down his gaze and stared down a ginger head.  
  
Oh my God.  
  
The knocking got more impatient and Billy carefully moved James and rose up, with a grimaze.  
  
”Fuck…”  
  
_How many times did they…?_  
  
More knocks and Billy quickly put his trousers on, too irritated for caring about a shirt. James slept heavily and Billy walked quietly to the door and opened it.  
  
” _Joji?_ The fuck are you doing here?”  
”Looking for you, actually. Silver heard about your little letter and got worried.”  
”About what?”  
”About Flint getting you killed.”  
”Oh…”  
  
He blushed. The chinese torturer – who actually didn’t torture people very often – threw a curious glance through the door and smirked.  
  
”Well, you seem to be very much alive to me. He’s not here?”  
”Um… No, he’s… I mean, yeah, he’s here.”  
”He knows about your little coronation of Silver?”  
”Uh-huh.”  
”And?”  
”And what?”  
  
Joji chuckled.  
  
”Since you’re both alive I guess the crew can relax.”  
”You’ve been worried?”  
  
Billy’s confused face made Joji snort. An odd sound from the usually so quiet man.  
  
”Me and DeGroot had actually began to wonder if we’d be forced to vote for a new captain or a new first mate. He’ll be very relieved that you’re both alive.”  
  
Joji scowled.  
  
”You’re still on the crew? Both of you?”  
”Of course.”  
  
_Like he’d been sure of that._ Now he was, but last night he hadn’t and Joji knew that. Billy looked at the chamber door and then turned to Joji again, who looked very amused.  
  
”How mad is Silver?”  
”He’ll be less mad when I tell him where I found you.”  
”You’ll keep your mouth shut!”  
”Why? He’ll be just as relieved as me and DeGroot.”  
”How so?”  
”Well, now he doesn’t need to look after the Captain anymore. He’s your problem now.”  
  
His mate now grinned widely, something Billy’d never seen him do before and he looked suspiciously at him.  
  
”You’ve been betting about it, right?”  
  
The grin just went wider and Billy rolled his eyes.  
  
”Spit it out, already. How many took part in this?”  
”All but Randall and Betsy.”  
”Randall’s dead and Betsy is a fucking cat.”  
”Then it’s everybody. We’re on shore, so it’s not against the rules.”  
”And exactly how much did you win?”  
  
Teeth added to the grin was answer enough. Billy couldn’t help but smile a little too.  
  
”Who lost?”  
”Howard.”  
”He won’t be very happy now.”  
”Not at all.”  
”You’re fine with this? I mean…”  
”Was about fucking time. Guess I better head back before DeGroot panic. Take your time with… _him_. We’ll manage without you today.”  
”Thanks.”  
”Now, I’ll go for my coins. And I take it you wont fucking lie if Howard ask you?”  
”Guess there’s no point in that.”  
”Good.”  
  
Joji turned away and began to walk back. Just as Billy was about to close the door, the torturer turned around.  
  
”Billy?”  
”Yeah?”  
”You know Pete and Sam will be very disappointed now, right?”  
”Huh?”  
  
The dark man just shook his head at Billy’s confused gaze and went on his way, muttering:  
  
”Totally fucking oblivious…”  
  
**THE END**


End file.
